Love - Can You Change Your Partner?

What is love? Love is an emotion. There are so many emotions- compassion, hatred, anger, grief, happiness, etc. Love is also an emotion. The difference is one- love is the most powerful emotion. Hatred is also a very powerful emotion. True hatred can make a person do unthinkable. Similarly love can make a person do unthinkable, but in a positive side.

Many of us complain about our partners. He/she is this and that. We have a long list of complaints and as days go by, our list increases finally leading to a break-up. Can we do something different than complaining? Sure. We can express our love and faith in our partner. We can praise him/her for their good qualities and make them feel our love. It will have two effects- our own focus shifts from bad to good, and our partner also would want to reciprocate our love. This will make them stop doing what hurts us. It is easy to destroy a relationship. Why not build?

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Why Do You Like Someone?

I saw her, I talked to her, I was mesmerized with her and I wanted her to be mine forever. I saw him. I got smell of his body. I went in a trance. I was looking at his hair. He was looking so masculine. I want him forever to be mine.’

Why do you like some one? That person may not be great looking if you take a poll, but someone falls for him/her immediately. Why does this happen? What is the chemistry? Why do you find someone irresistible? What is the secret of that? Lot many love stories have been written around this love at first sight. The prince saw the princess and the princess saw the prince. Both fell in love with each other forever. This is what romance is made of. What is this and how does this happen?

You manage to lose your senses; your thinking ability and your head. Your heart overrules everything. You want that person. You try every way possible to meet and win over that person. You pass sleepless nights and pass days in a trance thinking of him/her. You are not able to live without that person for a moment. That single thought displaces every other thought. Life becomes oriented to a single goal - ‘I want her/him.’

Lot has been written about romantic love. No one has reached any conclusion about how such love develops. There are different theories about it, but can love be ever defined in terms of chemicals? Ultimately what will science achieve by finding out about the how and why of such romantic love that is heavenly? The best thing if you fall in such love is to preserve it carefully. Under no circumstances, let anything happen to destroy it. It is very precious. Take care of it.

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Saying Good Bye

One begins a relationship with great hope. The initial signs are very encouraging. The chemistry between both the partners is just right. Both enjoy being with each other and are happy. They believe that they have got what they wanted. Their friends know that the two are going steady and marriage may take place soon. One fine day, a partner announces that he/she would like to break away.

What happened? How did the dreams crash? Why did one partner change mind suddenly? Lets examine in detail. Does change of heart take place suddenly? Normally it does not. That means that the partner who said no, was not happy with the relationship for long. He/she was not expressing that dissatisfaction. The other partner who got dumped was not clearly told but was given very subtle hints. He/she could never pick up those hints and the idea of break-up was not in his/her unsuspecting mind at all.

What will happen now? See one scenario. Over the next few months, the dumped partner may get bombarded with blames. A lot would be told to her/him about behavior and other issues. Some things may be true, some false. As the dumped partner would try to mend fences and request to rejoin, he/she would get another volley of abuses. The relationship is gone. That is human nature. Why the partner who carried so much inside him/her did not tell about that before? Why small misunderstandings were not allowed to be sorted out, but were stored in a pressure cooker for a final burst? No one knows. What should the dumped partner do now? Say Goodbye and try to remake his/her life. This will be difficult but there are no alternatives.

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Will You Break Up Soon?

Love and break-up are two sides of the same coin. It is invariably break-up after love. For most of us it seems inevitable now a days. The question is only of time. Some couples break-up after many years, while some break-up after few months. What about you? Are you nearing a break-up? Quiz yourself and find out if your relationship of love is on brink now. Quiz and find out if the symptoms are already appearing?

How to find out if the break-up is due anytime now? Earlier you enjoyed being with your partner. Is it the same now, or you want to have more of personal space and want to be more with your friends? Quiz your buying habits for your partner. Earlier you gave lot of thought and money was not the only consideration to buy anything for your partner. Are you calculating money now a days? Do you let some occasion go without making a present? Quiz yourself about your talking habits. Earlier you never uttered a word that could hurt your partner. What about now? Are you as careful in selecting your words?

These are small indicators that will tell you the subtle changes that are taking place in your relationship. Watch for these changes and find out if you are sliding down towards an inevitable break-up?

Quiz yourself about your love, your care, your relationships and your desire for each other. Small quizzes will give you hints about large changes. Quiz is a great tool to find out about your life.

Break-ups appear suddenly. But the process of breaking -up begins much earlier. Every break-up hurts. What about your love life? Are you also going towards an inevitable break-up?

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Show Appreciation To Enjoy Married Life More

You love each other passionately. You have so many good things to say to each other and you eagerly wait to meet and talk. This is all before the marriage. Why most of these disappear some time after marriage? Some how as the initial passion reduces, appreciation for each other’s qualities also reduces. At least you stop expressing that in words frequently. But that hurts the marital relationship.

Appreciating each other in married life is one of the best sustainer of love. Every spouse wants to hear how good he or she is. Any appreciation howsoever small brings a smile on the face. You all need appreciation, because it is an acknowledgment from someone. If you appreciate your spouse, but don’t express it in words, he/she will never come to know about that, and may even resent you for not appreciating her/him. To have feelings is important, and to express them is more important.

Your appreciation may accompany a flower, or can even be written on a beautiful card. An outing may be arranged to appreciate the good qualities. Appreciation need not be confined verbally, but many creative ways can be invented to show it. ‘Sweetheart, this small gift is for you in appreciation of the care you take to keep yourself looking smart. I love that.’ Something like this can create a big difference in marital life.

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Catching a cheat!

Catching a cheat is a difficult task. You may be suspecting that your spouse is either cheating or has the thoughts of cheating on you. But unless you are sure about it, any action that you take may backfire and doom a good marriage. Imagine that your spouse was innocent but you doubted him/her. What will be their reaction?

A typical sign of a cheating spouse is getting distanced from the family, especially the partner. No plans of joint outings or dinners are made. A cheating spouse looks uninterested in most of the family matters. Likes to be left alone and goes out at any pretext. This is always the first sign that your spouse may be seeing someone else.

What do you do? Don’t assume that cheating is being committed. Instead look at it as if your spouse is losing interest in you and to a small extent, the children, if any.

It is time to sit and talk heart to heart. Talk to your spouse about how you are feeling and try and get the feedback. If there is no cheating but some other reason, you will get to know. If your spouse is cheating, you will get evasive answers and sometimes irritated sounding responses. This confirms the initial suspicion of cheating. Proceed from here to confirm and then decide the next action.

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