1. You never
This is a blanket statement that is almost always false. What's the first thought that's going to enter your spouse's mind when you say this? That's right, your spouse is going to remember all those times when they DID put the dishes away, clean the toilet, make dinner, buy orange juice, or whatever it is you're accusing them of not doing. Even if you're right, this is not a productive thing to say. It's going to put your spouse on the defensive.
2. "You jerk/nag/bastard/bitch!"
I shouldn't have to explain why insulting your partner like this is completely disrespectful, abusive, and childish. You're both grownups now (hopefully), and you should be capable of having an argument that doesn't resort to name-calling. You shouldn't call your husband or wife names, and you shouldn't have to put up with it from them.
3. "Just calm down."
Telling someone to chill or calm down always seems to have the opposite effect. "Calm down?! Who are you to tell me to calm down!" Probably the main reason why most people react negatively to being told to calm down is because it's a way of saying that their feelings are wrong or irrational. As a rule, most people don't respond well to this sort of implication.
4. "You look terrible/fat/ridiculous/etc."
This is especially important for guys to avoid. Most women are sensitive about their looks, and you are going to lose serious brownie points if you tell your wife that she looks fat or that her black nightgown makes her look like a witch. Besides, if she IS fat, I promise you that she already knows; she doesn't need your confirmation.
That's only a small sampling of the things you should avoid saying to your spouse. Everyone has their "hot buttons," so it's a good idea to pay close attention to how your words affect your partner... and make note of what to avoid saying in the future.
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